I know that we just had a fight and I know that this was my fault. I tried to understand your side of the story, but it was so hard for me. There are so much feelings involved on that matter and just I can’t sleep. I can’t eat properly either, because this thoughts are following me through my day,like a ghost feeding of my vital energy.
I’m not a empathetic person. I just realized that this recent days, when I had a fight with a friend. An online fight and this friend thew in my face that I needed to be more empathetic. I had never thought about that before, mind you…
So, there is a lack of empathy on me, sometimes I just cannot understand why you would do what You have done. I cannot put myself in your shoes, because in my mind, everything is so easy to be solved and It’s so easy for me to judge you and think that you could have done it better. And anger feels me, because I really wanted to see you sooner. Because I thought that this was important for us as a couple. Because in my mind, everything was very clear: You were coming on April to see me and we were going to have an wonderful time together. Then, after I have finished my college I would join you, to live with you.
But, sometimes, nothing is as we want, isnt’t? You are not coming on April and I almost broke up with you, because I am kinda crazy bitch that likes to get things solved pretty much at the time that I want. But, being an adult is not like that, isn’t? I have to handle my feelings, smile, find a way to get over it and move on. And You know why? Because I love you. Because I want to have a life with you, with kids, dog,plants and birds (maybe a cute fluffy hen). Because I’m not a kid anymore, I cannot just walk away and let the thing being solved by itself: I have to handle my shit, pretty much.
Well, so I’m here writing in my blog, waiting for you to talk to me online. I know that you are sad with me (I hope we don’t break up) and I don’t want to talk with my friends, because I respect you and I don’t want to ruin the image they have of you, You are a nice guy and this is just an isolated case.