The Despair of Not Being Good Enough

As a Black kid I have struggled my whole life to be good. Not just “good” I had to be better, i had to be the best. The best in school, the one with the highest grades, the polite kid, the one that was lovely, smart… The best one.

Because I had to be different from my brothers and sisters who were, like me, struggled to survive. But, I was trying to change my destiny, I was trying to change the fate while they were embracing  it.

I have ran all my life to be good enough. I enrolled in a public university. I enrolled in a gym to work out and look good. I applied to an exchange and got a sponsorship and I’m still not good enough.
I worked my ass out to find a job and have some money to someone tell me that ” luckily I will find a better job”. No, sweetheart, I don’t want to run anymore. I’m tired. Im weary.
I wonder when all of this are going to end. I wonder when I’m going just be me and be happy.


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